The Foster Carrier

A carrier becomes the borrowed day,
lined with blankets.

They arrive, fitting in my hands –
covered in fur, small whiskers, and little peeps.
They learn their language quickly:
cry when they are hungry.

I become their safe haven:
warmth when they are cold,
mama when they need to be cleaned,
provider when they need food.

Careful with their delicate bones,
listening for their movements.
Teaching them the ways:
climbing, litterbox, and exploring.

Time is measured in feedings and accolades:
the first climb, the first meow, the first scare,
the weight gained, the next series in shots,
the changing color of the eyes.

They flourish quickly;
too quickly for my heart.

They learn your routine:
the sound of your car,
the sound of your voice,
the popping of a wet food lid.

They climb your legs.
They sniff your face.
They bite and pounce on your hand.

They learn what safety and love are.

And then-
Like all borrowed things,
it’s time to go.

You hand over the little pieces:
of your heart
of your life.

In the same carrier you saved them:
pretending your heart doesn’t ache for them.

The room is quiet.
The box is empty.
The towels are clean.
The toys are unmoved.

You were never meant to be forever.

You were a bridge,
not the final destination.
You were the vacation,
not the home.

You showed them what it feels like
to feel safe,
to feel loved,
to be cared for.

Tonight, one of them will
curl into a lap
run their sandpaper tongue
across a hand, petting them
purr into the ear of a loved one.

And live the life they deserve.

Your heart aches and beats
both with sadness of missing them
and happiness for their future.

Full of love
even when temporary
and never wasted.

Extinguished Candle

Love is the oxygen that I need to breathe.
Promises are the match that lights the flame.
Jars are the base that makes me believe.
But not trimming the wick? I’m to blame.

You lit me.
I was burned.
I made my plea.
A lesson learned.

You called me your warmth.
Only to slowly burn out.
I’m unsure of my worth.
All I have is self-doubt.

Smoke flutters through after the heat is gone.
No more light to shine in the dark night.
I’ve now become withdrawn.
I’m not sure if I’ll ever have another light.

As the flame burnt, I became smaller.
I should have been shining from within.
An experience that made me a scholar.
You were my greatest sin.

Being the fire never scared me.
The only thing that did was the flame dying out.
Now I struggle to breathe.
And drown in my doubt.

You enjoyed the temporary glow.
I called it combustion.
I’ll always be in your undertow.
Despite my deep destruction.

On my final ounces of wax.
No one can ever burn it all.
I’m on my final collapse.
But I’m trying to stall.

I am the extinguished candle.
Trying to survive.
I sit here still fragile.
But I’ll never thrive.